my motivation level

So, who knew? Des Moines is cool. Or, so they're trying to make you believe. Thoughts? Do you agree? And if you aren't planning on staying in Des Moines after graduation, is an ad campaign going to change your mind? But hey, kudos on the effort, really.

Back to Portland though. Tonight, my motivation level to work at home is at an all-time low. Working on a start-up local magazine requires a lot of work from home. And a lot of work on the weekends. And a ton of networking every minute I step out into the city. It's for that reason--because I'm in a brand-new city and I moved here completely solo--that I feel like I have to take advantage of every social opportunity. Tonight, instead of writing an 800-word article on Oregon paint palettes, I went to a spelling bee. A real-life spelling bee in a bar on N. Mississippi Ave. A few slices of pizza and a Sierra Nevada later, I made it through the third round and was ultimately rejected on "dicto-someting." I can't remember what word I lost on; it may not have even been in English. This was hard, folks. I'm going back next week after studying the dictionary.

Anyway, the point is, I can't work. I told myself I'd work when I got home at 9 pm. Well, it's 9:53, and so far I've done nothing. I thought this procrastination jazz would end after college. Not so much. Any advice on how to get through the "but I don't want to" barrier?

In other news, the new job is going well. A lot has happened since my last post. In short, my furniture finally arrived, I spend a lot of time meeting strangers and converting them into new friends, I've found a new favorite Thai restaurant (does it count if it's actually a cart?), and I'm on a search for the city's best falafel. I'm planning a trip to the coast, Mt. Hood, and the Columbia River Gorge. Yes, it rains. Almost everyday. So, I've learned the bus system.

Workwise, there are definite growing pains of being on a start-up mag (we have to order our own printer paper?), and I sure do miss my old staff. Small steps, though. It took three weeks for my boss to tell me I did a "great job," and a story presentation I did today went over with flying colors. I tell myself I don't need this sort of positive feedback from my editors, though. I'm not one of those compliment-starved Millennials. I have thick skin! I know I'm doing a good job; who cares if no one tells me that, right? Why, though, do I still feel like I'm wading through the muck, unsure if my work will be ultimately rejected?

I've worked with editors before (in college and outside) who ok pieces from the beginning but when it gets to a point just preceding publication, he/she decides it all needs to be changed. Why, oh why? Ah, insecurity. Another thing that didn't end after college. As many articles as I've written, as many editors who have edited my words, I still (still!) take criticism personally. (P.S. I had to spellcheck "criticism." Apparently there was a reason I got out on the third round.) So, hey, if you're dreading getting those comments back from a prof or an editor, just remember: we ALL get edited. No matter what. I edit everyone. It's my job. So, when I put on my writer hat, I just have to remember that there's a red pen sitting on the other side just waiting to mark up all my words.

It's 10:09 pm now. I gotta get moving. I'll let you know how the article goes.